Pills and Postpartum: Part One

I have come to have a love/hate relationship with pills.  Each morning, I take a handful and in the evening is round two.  They are for Postpartum, genetics, and for getting my body back after pregnancy. I have always been hesitant to take pills.  I would rather take a nap to deal with a headache. That doesn't really matter now because I have to take them. 

To understand why I take them, I should explain what happened.  This part of my story began about a year and a half ago.  I was pregnant and excited for the future! Well, that pregnancy wasn't meant to be and I lost "Poppy". I call it Poppy because it was only that small, so it was pretty early on.  After that, we waited a few months for me to recover before trying again.  

Well, in October we found out that we were pregnant again.  I hesitated to tell my family because I might lose it again.  I told my mom, sister and best friend, but that was about it.  As the weeks went on, I slowly told more people in my inner circle.  We had doctor's appointments, but I was still convinced that this wouldn't last.  I kept thinking about how I would move on again.  Everything was looking good - ultrasounds, movement, etc. As I started to show, I had to tell more people and eventually let everyone at work know.  I was terrified and didn't know how I would tell everyone when it ended.  

Everything was still going well... We found out we were having a boy! He was healthy and continuing to grow.  We were trying to figure out a name, but nothing seemed right.  Ryan's grandpa was sick and we decided that his name would be a great tribute to a great man.  We knew our son would be Philip.  What would it be like to lose Philip? Would I hold him in my arms? Would he be still born? The thoughts were daily, but I dismissed them. Everything was still going well... We bought a crib and got the nursery ready.  We had baby showers.  How would I return all the items? Would I have to?  The thoughts persisted and my blood pressure continued to creep up each appointment.  

I did a 24 hour urine sample and they found I had Preeclampsia. I needed to go on bed rest, but I was a teacher with a few weeks left of the school year.  My doctor said she was ok with modified bed rest.  I worked half days throughout the last day of school.  I was trying to pack up my classroom, ready to be a stay at home mom.  What would I do with all this stuff? Would I be able to get my job back? Could I still stay at home? At this point, the thoughts were bothering me. I didn't want to think about losing Philip.  I was pretty attached already. 

A couple days after school let out, I had my last doctor's appointment.  The doctor checked me and we had an ultrasound. Philip looked good and was about six pounds.  The doctor came in and we knew something was up.  She said, "You are done being pregnant." Ryan kept asking how high my blood pressure was, but she wouldn't say.  All she would say is "High". I was 36 and a half weeks along, it couldn't happen already.  Would he be ok? The doctor checked to see if I was dilated at all.  After shoving her hand inside me, she said I was not dilated. We went to the hospital and began the induction process.  This included a Magnesium drip (for the blood pressure), blood pressure monitoring, and baby monitoring.  I was connected to all sorts of machines.  What if something went wrong? Will Philip be ok? Will I be ok? 


The next morning, things were still moving pretty slowly.  My blood pressure was high so every hour I had to roll to my other side.  The doctor decided to help speed things up by breaking my water.  This meant taking a sharp stick that looked like a crochet hook, sticking it inside me, and pulling on my amniotic sack.  She couldn't get it and had to try a couple times.  This process was quite painful.  Shortly after this, the contractions began.  I got an epidural and things were going well. I could feel Philip moving closer.  They checked me and Philip was sunny side up.  They can still deliver that way, it is just a little harder.  We kept going and I thought we were almost there.  The contractions were getting intense and he would be here soon.  The doctor came back and checked everything.  Philip was coming down with contractions and then sucking back up.  They weren't sure what was wrong.  The doctor started to look at the monitors.  Philip's pulse was declining with each contraction.  He took one big dip and the doctor said, "We're done."  She would take me for a c-section in the next few minutes.  I didn't want to be induced or to have a c-section! What is happening? I started to cry.  Ryan assured me that it would be ok. 

They wheeled me to the operating room.  I was terrified.  What if I didn't make it? What if Philip doesn't make it? What would Ryan do in either case? Ryan had to wait outside as they prepped me for the surgery.  I was shaking from the freezing temperature and my fear.  They put a sheet up against my face, so that I couldn't see.  Ryan came in and stood beside me. I was so tired, but if I fell asleep, I might not wake up. I felt the pressure of the cut and within minutes Philip was born.  Philip was crying and Ryan walked over to see him and watch him be cleaned and cared for.  I could hear him crying, he was ok! Now I could go to sleep and it would be over for me.  They wheeled me back to me room and said I could sleep some.  I figured that meant for ever, but I woke up soon and tried to feed.  That was the schedule for the rest of the night.  

We stayed in the hospital for the next few days as I recovered from my surgery.  My blood pressure was still high, but they could treat me with medications now.  I was on several blood pressure medications and plenty of pain medications. Finally, they got my blood pressure controlled and discharged us.  We were going home...