Colorado Trip: What If

After camping, we headed to Greeley for the rest of our vacation. I was still sore, but I was doing ok. I kept having that nagging "what if" as I would move and hurt. Philip had no idea what had happened, but he could have grown up without me. Things could definitely have been much worse.  I had to grin and bare the pain... I was alive! Of course the word had spread and even family that wasn't there was informed of my "adventurous spirit". Everyone was concerned if I was ok, but I was just embarrassed. I was good and determined to enjoy the rest of my vacation! 

I was excited to take Philip to Ryan's dad's dairy for the third time. He had done well his second time there a few months before. I was especially excited because Philip loves animals and is more interested in them everyday. He loved it! He wanted to see everything and had no fear to reach out and touch the cows, even the big ones.  

My Little Bug turned one a couple days later. How is that possible? He was just born? Where did the year go? We celebrated with a small party, pizza, and cake.  Philip was a fan of the pizza and his very own chocolate cake. He destroyed it, got it everywhere, and needed a bath afterwards. He was showered with gifts and love by his Colorado family. 

I had grown more sore, especially in my upper body, and it took a lot to get out of bed in the morning. More than that though was the amount of love that I was feeling. I was overwhelmed by love of my life, my husband, and my son. I am so blessed! God protected me and blesses me richly every single day. Why does this matter? Well, I felt like I had gotten a second chance.  With that my thoughts started to change. Ryan and I had taken foster classes, but is that the right direction? We started to seriously talk about our options.  Should we try for another baby? 


These thoughts left me conflicted. Am I crazy to even be thinking about this? What if I have complications again? What if I need a C-Section? What if I have Postpartum Depression and/or Anxiety? I just finished taking my Postpartum medications. Do I want to start them again? I could go on and on with negative what if's, but what if we should try again? What if now is the time? What if I am prepared for these possibilities? 

I don't know what the future has in store, but there are definitely more options than there were a couple of months ago. I'm just happy to be here and I am ready to see what God has in store for my family!! There is a God and it's not me... He has a plan for my life.